In today’s blog, I come out of the closet in regards to the “secret” I have been discerning and where it seems God’s is calling me. In the end, God has a sick sense of humor and is telling me it is time to GROW UP already!
Will God be the Death of Me?
On October 1st, I penned a blog entitled, God will be the Death of me, in which I shared a vision that had come to me and the journey that I was embarking upon to determine if this vision was authentically from God and therefore to be obeyed, or something out of my ego to be ignored and set aside. Well, today, I am coming out of the closet as to the nature of that vision and what it seems to be saying to me. The funny thing is that after posting that blog, I got a text message from one of my friends who had apparently already figured out the nature of the vision – without me offering any details. Her text said it all, “When are you starting the new church?” ARGH!
In the middle of yoga practice, after stating my intention for direction and clarity and while chanting scripture in my mind (“Lord, I’m not worthy to receive you” …… and “Let it be done to me according to your word”), I was interrupted by the following vision: I saw an image of myself, dressed in a white robe, with a wide, red mantle hanging over my shoulders (like a stole, only wider). I was standing behind an altar, presumably presiding over mass and before me sat a multitude of people also dressed in white, participating in this ritual. NO NO NO I shouted at God as this vision presented itself. “Been there (discerning priestood), Done that (participated in an off-shoot eucharistic community along with several other “alternative” projects) NOPE NOPE NOPE not doing it! God, you will be the death of me. “
And God Laughed
Now here I am, several weeks into this discernment and God is laughing at me. “Silly girl, it is time for you to GROW UP!” (these words came to me from God via my Spiritual Director). And I recognize that this is true. And….I realize that what God is calling me to is what I have already been doing. I have been priest/ess and what I have been doing for the past 20 years is church! God isn’t calling me to something I don’t already know or to something I haven’t already been doing. And, God is not calling me to leave the home of my childhood(Catholicism) in search of ordination elsewhere. In a sense, I have already been ordained and now it just might be time to actually name, claim and own who I am and what I have been doing all along.
Coming out of the Closet
So, growing up for me apparently means no longer hiding in the closet. It seems God is calling to own my vocation as priest and my call to be church. (NOTICE – “small c” church!!!!!). What the details of that will mean I’m not quite sure….but there are some things about this call of which I can be sure:
- It will be founded upon the compassion teachings of Jesus of Nazareth
- It will provide contemplative worship and tools for sound spiritual formation and spiritual healing
- It will recognize that all paths lead to the same destination – recollection of the Source of compassion, contentment and joy – that which some call “God.”
- It will be open to people of all spiritual or religious beliefs
- It will empower people to name,claim and freely share their own unique giftedness in service to love and for the betterment of our world
Ok God, I’m listening and as I have been praying all along, “Let it be done to me according to your word.” and “I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed.” Time to grow up Lauri!
What closet is God calling you out of?
How have you resisted that call?
What tools do you need to step more fully into the person God has made you to be?
Authentic Freedom Ministries