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Love means saying, “I’m Sorry.”

Mar9

Dear Readers,

I am writing this in response to a Facebook reader who called me on the carpet for speaking from judgment rather than love in posting this morning’s blog.  First I want to apologize to this reader and to anyone else who may have been offended by my words and to own that my ego most certainly may have been involved in that post.  Secondly, I want to clarify my intentions of this blog and any other aspects of my ministry thereof.

First of all, I want to make it VERY CLEAR that it is NEVER, nor has it ever been my intention to judge, condemn or criticize those who still find comfort in the Institution of the Roman Catholic Church as it currently lives and breathes in our world.  Millions of “faithful believers” find comfort, nurturing and support through the Institution and find peace in the absolutes of Catholic doctrine.  In fact, a part of me envies these fortunate many who are able to find peace and are not confronted by an inner voice that questions, challenges, or is driven to know more.  In many ways, I believe that their journey is easier and simpler than the path upon which God seems to keep calling me.  I honor and respect the path they have been called to and am happy that in this path they find peace.

I also have to recognize that in truth, these are not the people to whom I have been called to minister.  When Jesus led me through the doorway and showed me the mass of people, and then commanded me, “Feed my Sheep,” it was not the men and women who are content within the embrace of the Institution that stared back at me.  Instead, the people Jesus commanded me to feed are those who have been hurt, wounded or disenfranchised by the Roman Church or those who are finding some nourishment within the Institution but who still hunger for more.  I have come to call these folks, “The Lost Sheep of Rome.”  These “lost sheep” include:

  • The young, single woman trying to survive on minimum wage who found herself, after an incident of date rape, with an unplanned pregnancy and thought she had no other recourse but to terminate her pregnancy and now feels condemned by her Church.
  • The young man who begins to understand that he is gay and that his desire to be in partnership is forbidden by his Church.
  • The middle aged woman who in the midst of a painful divorce is told she is not welcome at the Eucharist.
  • The middle aged man who still carries the scars of childhood sexual abuse at the hands of his parish priest.
  • The young couple who grew up Catholic, loved their Church but still hunger for more.
  • The teenage girl who finds her most effective form of prayer in the physical postures of yoga.
  • The young couple who had questions about their faith and were told they were heretics for even asking the questions.
  • The middle age couple who struggled with some of the teachings of the Catholic faith and who through careful prayer and discernment found themselves led to make some decisions that were not in 100% agreement with a literal translation of Catholic law and where then told that “there is no room for Cafeteria Catholicism.”
  • The loyal members of a parish community who were told certain members of their family could not receive the Eucharist at their father’s funeral because they were not “Catholics in good standing.”
  • The mother of a child who was deprived of the Eucharist due to a wheat allergy, even after the mother offered to provide the non-wheat bread alternative herself.
  • The couple who are told (inaccurately) that their son is going to hell because he chose suicide as his response to excruciating and debilitating depression.

95% of the people who cross the threshold of Authentic Freedom Ministries were raised Catholic and many of them are coming because they were in one way or another told they were not welcome in the Roman Church.  Those who have not been explicitly rejected or condemned quite simply wanted more than what the Institution was willing or able to give them and have found comfort, nourishment and solace in the contemplative practices, spiritual formation, spiritual direction and healing practices offered by Authentic Freedom Ministries.  These are the people to whom God has called me to minister.  The “faithful believers” who are content within the embrace of the Institution are already being well cared for and certainly don’t need me messing things up!

And finally, I do want to name my own personal wound and admit that it may from time to time creep in and color the way my thoughts are being expressed.  I have been hurt by the Church and I still grieve this loss. My greatest dream was to be able to share all the amazing tools God has given me within the context of my Catholic faith…..specifically, inside the Institution as a Lay Minister.   I was deeply hurt when I found that my gifts were no longer welcome….and while I have grieved this loss and see God’s intention for my highest good (and the highest good of others)within this loss, I still long for the day when the Institutional and Mystical church can coexist in harmony and peace.  I know that this will not happen in my lifetime and that sometimes makes me feel frustrated, impatient and angry…and perhaps a little judgmental.  (judgement is a great defense mechanism afterall!)

So again, I apologize if my words of this morning’s blog offended or hurt anyone and I’m sorry if you took it personally.  That was certainly not my intention.

Sincerely,

Lauri A. Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

http://yourspiritualtruth.com

Transformation through Pain

Feb1

Today’s blog explores the spiritual practice of presence – specifically how the simple act of being present to our pain can bring profound healing, growth and transformation.  In this case, “No pain, no gain” is a true statement.

 

Avoid the Pain

I recently had a really interesting experience where I found myself simply being observer to my journey, instead of my normal role of victim.  It was a situation where something very innocent was said to me  – something that in and of itself was harmless enough, but of course, my inner victim wanted to make it a threat, a source of danger, another incident where I got to be the victim and someone else the enemy.  It was so strange to watch, like a slow motion replay, how my inner self responded to this “innocent something.”  As the words left the other person’s lips, I clearly saw a daggar coming through the air and stabbing me in the heart.  I felt my being recoil in pain and then sink into the pit of martyrdom and depression.  I withdrew.  I became silent.  I shut down.  This chosen response remained until later in that same day when I suddenly decided that the “other” had to be the enemy.  I quickly made up in my mind all kinds of scenarios where I was convinced this person was bad, didn’t like me, was rejecting me and how I would decide to not like them in return.  Then I went into fear.  I went into that place in my mind where I make up stories about what my future needs to look like, might look like, is supposed to look like.  And then again, depression, rejection, anger and pain.  By the end of the day, I was exhausted from being battered about by my inner thought demons.  My typical response to this kind of reaction is to push away the pain, the hurt, the perceived rejection and I usually do this by harboring resentment, anger, rage.  I was surprised, however, to find that something else all together began to unfold.

Pull the Plank from your own eye…sister!

Instead of gathering around myself the cloak of protective anger and resentment, I found myself simply being present.  I let myself feel the hurt of perceived rejection.  I allowed myself to be present to the impatience and frustration of not having “my plans fulfilled.”  Instead, I simply sat with the question – what does this mean?  And when I allowed myself to be present to this question, several answers began to be revealed.  First I saw the “innocent words” and had to admit that I had entertained these thoughts myself on some level and that all they were doing were reflecting my own fears around the particular subject.  Then I saw the way that I cling to perceived surety, concrete plans, a “secure” and “predictable” future…..of my own making, of course.  Following the clinging, I saw my intuitive knowledge around this subject and the sudden fear, “What if I was wrong?”  Then I was acutely aware of two pretty big fears that I have struggled with for as long as I could remember:  ok….actually it was three fears:

  • The fear of rejection (of not being loved, accepted, understood, etc.)
  • The fear of not being right
  • The fear of not knowing my future (ie: the need for security, surety, concrete plans)

When I identified these three fears, something amazing began to happen.  Instead of running from these fears, pushing them away, ignoring them or bargaining with them, I decided to sit with these fears and see what happened.

Making Friends with our Fears

After turning the finger of blame that I was waving toward the innocent “other” back toward myself, I was able to identify the fears that caused me to hear a simply innocent comment as something potentially hurtful.  Instead of stomping away in anger or retreating into the dark coccoon of depression, I decided to sit with my fears.  Instead of pushing them away, bargaining with them or denying them, I allowed myself to be present.  I allowed myself to FEEL the fear of rejection.  I allowed myself to EXPERIENCE the fear of being wrong.  I sat with the little girl inside of me that wants everything to be safe, predictable, planned out and HER WAY.  And then, I breathed!  I breathed these fears into myself and allowed myself to be present to them.  Then here was the miracle…….they all went away.  I saw the fear of rejection evaporate into thin air.  I heard the voice of my truth reminding me of what I know to be true  for now.  And the little girl stopped clinging to the illusion of perceived surety while she sank into the arms of God and let God carry her to where she needed to be….trusting that all would be well.

How might you become more aware of your own defensive reactions to perceived hurts, etc.?

How do you run from or avoid the pain of loss, disappointment, not being in control, etc?

How might you be present to the pain and allow the possibility of healing and transformation?

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

http://yourspiritualtruth.com

Hope in “God”

Dec7

In today’s scripture, we are reminded that the source of comfort and strength is that which some call “God.”

They that hope in the Lord will renew their strength,

they will soar as with eagles’ wings;

They will run and not grow weary,

walk and not grow faint.

Isaiah 40: 30-31

Life’s Challenges

The human condition is hard.   No matter who we are, we experience suffering, challenge, difficulties, loss, death, betrayal, loneliness, sorrow.  These are the pits and valleys of the human condition.  No one is exempt from the “negative” experiences of being human….regardless of our virtue or our good deeds.  Bad things happen to good people and bad things happen to “bad” people.  It is not because of some sort of Divine retribution or punishment for our “sins” or the “sins” of our parents that we suffer.  If we are going to be human, it is simply part of the deal.  As all of our greatest spiritual teachers (like Isaiah above) knew and taught, however, there is a comforting balm, a source of strength and inspiration in helping us deal with the challenges of being human.  This source of comfort, some would call “God.”

Turning to God

In today’s reading from the Hebrew scriptures, Isaiah reminds us that God is the source of comfort, healing and strength as we face the challenges of the human condition.  While God may not remove the challenge, turning to God in humble prayer helps us to find the strength to move through the challenge, the resources of human support we need to weather the storm and the inner peace and contentment we need to see beyond the struggle to the promise of new life.  Turning to God may also help us to see our challenges from a wider perspective – opening us to see the opportunities for growth, reconciliation, forgiveness, love, mercy, generosity, humility, etc. within that which we might perceive as a burden.  In this way, God lightens our load, eases our burden, heals our hearts.  And the best news is that WE don’t have to “do anything” to fix, remedy, change the struggle, for when we remember to turn to God, God is the one “doing” something about it.  We need simply rest in God’s loving arms and allow the Divine Source of love, comfort and peace carry us through what is sure to be a temporary blip in the roadmap of life.

An Invitation

So, next time you are facing the struggles of the human condition….Go to God.  Turn it over to God.  Engage your favorite form of meditation, prayer, contemplation and invite God to be present to you in that struggle.  And the most fantastic news is that God is already there, whether we know it or not.  Turning to prayer simply helps us to remember and in remembering, to allow God to be the source of comfort and support that has been waiting there all along.

What are your favorite spiritual practices during time of human struggle?

Where have you experienced God as a source of comfort and support during times of challenge?

How might you begin to embrace a daily spiritual practice that can build the foundation of you recollection of God’s love and support?

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

http://yourspiritualtruth.com

Faith

Dec2

Today’s blog asks more questions than offers answers……so, let’s talk about faith baby! 

Scary Gospels

Jesus says something really scary in today’s gospel reading.  (Matthew 9: 27-31).  When approached by two blind men who asked for Jesus’ healing, he asks them, “Do you believe that I can do this?” They respond, “Yes.”  Then here were Jesus’ scary words, “Let it be done for you according to your faith.”  Oh oh.  My first thought was, “What if their faith is imperfect?  What if they waver for just a moment?  Does that mean they will only receive a partial healing?”  YUK!  I sure wouldn’t want to be the poor guy who doubted for just a second and only partly got my sight back.  Again, YUK!

Scarier Pop-Culture “laws”

If you have seen any of the materials out there on the so-called “law of attraction” or “the secret” or have read books or attended seminars by certain authors, this is their very position.  We only receive that which we have 100% belief in.  In other words, what we have in life is 100% reflective of how we think and believe and if we don’t have “what we want” it is because we didn’t have enough belief or because we thought the wrong thoughts.  I totally agree that our thoughts, our beliefs, our perceptions and perspectives are somehow reflective of our lives.  However, even as a recoverying perfectionist who likes to carry the blame for everything good or bad in my life, it feels like an enormous burden to have to carry ALL the responsibility for our life circumstances.  I consider myself to be a woman of significant faith and yet, I do not have the $1million house on the lake neither do I have the red Volvo station wagon (or 1963 split window hardtop Corvette) of my dreams, and I’m certainly not pulling in six figures.  And if I look back on all the things I’ve had “faith” about and seen them fall short of my desires and had no one to blame but myself for these “failures,” I just might end up suicidal!

The Loophole

I certainly don’t know everything…but I can’t believe that God is really that cruel.  If in that last moment before Jesus laid his hand on him, the blind man had just a flicker of doubt (because he is human for God’s sake!), I can’t imagine that God would deprive him of the complete healing that he desired and believed that Jesus could accomplish.  There has to be some sort of allowance for our humanness….because let’s face it, we are a doubtful people.  So here is what I think….that God’s intention and God’s knowledge of what is in our highest good overrides “the law of attraction,” “The secret,” and our wavering faith.

Our Job

So, our job then is to strive to have faith, and to recognize that in our humanness, we are imperfect and our faith will waver from time to time.  And it is here that we can pray for God to increase our faith as we offer these words, “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed.”  AND…..”Let it be done to me according to your word.”  Because at the end of the day, God knows best and God does best and sometimes it is not in our highest good to have the $million house on the lake and it might be in our highest good to be completely cured of our blindness…regardless of our imperfect faith.

What role does faith play in your own life?

Where do you struggle with faith?

How can you invite God to help you with your faith?

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

http://yourspiritualtruth.com

Expect the Unexpected and Being Open to the New

Sep14

As we move and grow along the spiritual path, one of the things we come to recognize is that there is a higher intelligence (even when we call it “Our Highest Self”) that knows what is best for us.  The challenge is being willing to let go of what we have known and to our own attachments so that we can be open to receiving something different, new and better. Today’s blog explores that process.

The “Sin” of Pride

Pride, as I discuss at length in Authentic Freedom – Claiming a Life of Contentment and Joy, is the compulsion that arises out of our false sense of separation from ourselves, each other and that which we might call “God.”  Pride says,  “I am it.  I have to do it.  I can do it.  I know what is best for me.  I know what I want and I am the one that will make it happen.”  It is pride that causes us to become attached to certain life patterns (mostly unhealthy) and certain outcomes.  Pride causes us to seek “security” and what is “known” because it gives us the illusion of safety, security, predictability, etc.  Pride serves only one purpose….to keep us separated from what is truly in our highest good and our natural state as contented, loving, peaceful, joyful beings.  In a nutshell….Pride sucks!

The Sweet Pill of Humility

The antidote to the “sin” of pride is humility.  Humility is the quality that invites us to acknowledge that from our limited perception, we DO NOT know what is in our highest good.  Humility invites us to take the leap of believing that there is something deep within us or far beyond us or all of the above that DOES know what is in our highest good and WANTS us to know this too.  Humility invites us to acknowledge a power greater than ourselves and invites us to engage with that power with the intention of accessing our highest, deepest, most authentic truth and allowing that truest self to emerge from within us, thereby freeing us from the fears, false-perceptions and attachments that keep us imprisoned in the wheel of human suffering.  Humility allows us to set aside our ego-driven plans, attachments, unhealthy patterns and to be open to something new, better, more freeing and expansive.  Humility allows the breath of the Divine to carry us to the place of our highest good where we will know contentment, peace, joy and love.  Now, who wouldn’t want that?

We are the Obstacle

Who wouldn’t want peace, love, joy?  Right?  Guess what….most of us.  This is the sad truth.  The greatest obstacle to attaining contented joy and love in our lives is ourselves.  Instead of allowing the Divine to breath new life into us, we cling to what we know and remain attached to our own wants and desires.  And we do this for one simple reason – because we are human.  In our humanness, we cling to what we know and have known, even if it is harmful to us, because it gives us the illusion of surety and control.  We don’t leave our abusive relationships, unhealthy patterns of behavior, unhappy job situations, because we know it.  It is familiar.  We can predict the pattern and the outcome, and this predictability gives us some weird illusion of safety….however twisted that “safety” might actually be.

Letting Go and Being Open to the New

If we ever hope to enjoy the fullness of joy in this human experience, however, it is this very clinging that we need to release.  In order to receive that which is in our highest good, enjoy the life of compassion and contentment, freedom and expansiveness that we all desire, we have to LET GO….let go of what we know, what we think is best for ourselves and be open to the surprising, unexpected ways in which our Highest Self wants to be known in the world.  And in this, we can expect the unexpected.  The path of our highest good is FAR more AMAZING than we could EVER possibly imagine.  The path of contentment and joy is far more EXPANSIVE than we would ever allow ourselves in our little human minds.  So what are we waiting for?  Get out of the Way.  Let go of what is known and familiar.  Surrender to the leading and guiding principles of the universe and enjoy the ride of your life.  I promise, when you least expect it……expect it!

And here’s my favorite song for this part of the journey:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_97UoGngJBQ&feature=fvst

What are the known patterns of behavior, etc. that are no longer life-giving to you?

How are you being invited to give these patterns their release?

What is the magnificent amazing fulfilling life that is waiting to be experienced through you?

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

http://yourspiritualtruth.com

Introverts and Perfectionists

Sep12

Today’s blog is about process…specifically, the unique processing timeline of an introvert…..compounded by the standard of integrity embraced by the perfectionist.  And….I know I’m not the only one like this out there!  :)   If you think you might be an introvert, or know someone who is…you might want to read this…..and if you think you might be a perfectionist…or know of someone who is.

 

 

To Thine Own Self Be True

As we mature and grow spiritually (and emotionally), we come to understand more fully who we are – what makes us tick, how we move through the world, our values, how we process life, what we need in the way of help and support, etc.   For me, there are two significant nuggets of self-knowledge that have proven to be critical in my ability to stay healthy and grounded in the human experience.

1)  is the knowledge that contrary to popular opinion…..I AM AN INTROVERT.  While I have learned to be outgoing and have taken the time to cultivate many acquaintances and friendships, I really find my most life-giving experiences in either being alone or in the context of one-on-one, intimate and personal experiences.

2) I am a perfectionist (in recovery…but a perfectionist, nonetheless)

Coming to understand these two things about myself has given me remarkable tools, but even more importantly, affirmation and validation for the unique ways that I process, or move through, the challenges of the human condition.  For those who do not live within the unique giftedness of the perfectionistic introvert, these methods of process can stir up feelings of impatience, frustration and even anger.  Introverted perfectionists move VERY SLOWLY in their process…and with good reason – for ourselves and for the good of those around us.

 

Integrity and the Perfectionist

Being a perfectionist can be a huge pain in not only our own butts, but the butts of those around us.  Until self-awareness, healing and integration takes place, the perfectionist can be self-righteous, morally rigid, judgemental, condemning, critical.  (ok, these can still linger….even after an enormous amount of healing!)  I have been frequently known to climb up on my soapbox of some social, religious, political issue and pontificate about what “should” be done….because of course I am perfect and I know better!  Once the layers of unhealed wounds and the rigid armor of self-defense is relaxed, however, the perfectionist can see that ultimately what drives us – both motivations and compulsions – is the desire to stand in integrity.  Standing in integrity means to discover, name, claim and stand firmly in our own truth….and to do so from a place of impecibility…..in other words….we strive to know our sh..t  and to clearly differentiate that from our fears, projections, etc.  That way, we can stand in “this is mine” and “this is yours” and step out of our temptation to blame, shame, condemn, etc.  Doing this allows the perfectionist the inner peace and contentment that frequently eludes us.  When we can unravel ourselves from judgment of self and others, this is where we find peace.  The challenge to this goal of integrity, however, is that it is VERY SLOW….and the perfectionist must often journey through the dark and dangerous forest of our fears and compulsions before getting to the clarity on the other side.  The journey can get pretty ugly…but the destination is MAGNIFICENT – clear, free from judgment and peacefully content.

 

Now Throw in the Introvert

As I just stated above, the perfectionists journey toward integrity is one that can be arduous and slow.  Now….mix in the temperment of the introvert.  Now you have molasses on a cold, winter day.  SLOW SLOW SLOW.  Introverts need TIME to process.  Introverts need TIME to get in touch with what they are really feeling.  Introverts need time to be present to these feels and discover their deeper roots.  Introverts need time to find the quiet…both outside and inside of them that will give them the TIME they need to hear their deepest truths, uncover guidance and direction…and they need time to say yes to this guidance and to discover the proper vehicle through which they can travel that path.  Introverts need TIME!

 

Help for Ourselves and the People in Our Lives

Why does any of this matter?  Because….we live in an extroverted world that wants everything NOW.  We want resolution.  We want closure.  We want commitment.  We want immediate gratification. We want surety of knowledge and direction.  We want it and we want it now.  Well guess what….for the perfectionistic introvert….this will NEVER be the case!  This is helpful knowledge if we are a perfectionistic introvert because it gives us permission to honor our own uniquely SLOW process and to not give into the impatience and pressure of an extroverted culture.  This is also helpful knowledge for us to share with those around us (those that will listen anyway), because if our temperments differ (which they will), tension will arise due to these differences.  When we are able to clearly name the needs unique to our temperment and allow those around us to name theirs, then we can negotiate a space in which we can each be present to our own unique process and give honor and respect to the other while we negotiate the bumpy terrain of interpersonal communication.   So, for those introverted perfectionists out there…..I invite you to name and claim your needs for time…..patience…..and still more time and to be ok doing so.  And, know that you are NOT alone!  And to the extroverts who are in relationship with an introvert…..BREATHE!  :)

How do you process the challenges of your life?

Where are you being invited to name and claim your need for process time?

How might your interpersonal relationships benefit from your own emerging self-knowledge?

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

http://yourspiritualtruth.com

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

Sep5

As we move and grow along our spiritual path, we are invited to examine and release for healing all those things inside of us that we want to put on somebody else – shame, blame, guilt, anger, frustration, impatience, distrust, etc.  When we are tempted to project our stuff “out there” we are invited to hold up the mirror and truthfully acknowledge our own unhealed wounds.

 

Mirror Mirror on the Wall, Who’s the Biggest Jerk of All?

Ahem….after a weekend buried in the world of projections, I can tell you the answer to that question is:  ME!  Me! Me! Me!  I am the biggest jerk as I look back on a weekend of impatience, frustration, doubt, fear, anger, sadness, compulsive behaviors and obsessions.  In this I am forced to humbly admit my humanness – which for a recovering perfectionist is not the easiest thing to do!  ARGH!!!!!  Yelling at my kids.  Spending hours in obsessive worry.  Stomping around the house and grumbling about all the things “they” did to me.  Wanting to run screaming after people I decided in my head had hurt me, ignored me, rejected me.  All my demons were out in full force and I was not a happy camper, and neither were the poor souls who had to share my living space (material and virtual!).  Did I say, ARGH?  So, sorry kids and other innocent bystanders…..I was a JERK and now I understand why.

Looking into the Mirror

So this morning, after a weekend of yuk….I returned to my daily spiritual practice.  I listened to a little Kirtan (sacred chant) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqXQCfKFB_o , then sat in meditation.  It was in this space of quiet repose that the universe decided to give me the gift of a clean mirror in which to gaze.  And there is was….I saw in vivid technicolor the source of my jerk-ness.  Then I wacked myself in the head with a big, “DUH!”  Of course, this weekend I moved the rest of my belongings out of my former husband’s home and into my new home….and it was not easy…..among other things, we had to move a 100 year old upright concert grand piano.  (Thank you by the way to the three strong men who lent their muscle, time and patience to moving that beast!!!!!).  Physical objects aside, the move was not easy for a plethora of other reasons:  Loss, sadness, grief, finality and a sense of closure….then mix that in with the grief and all its shining faces that decided to resurface in this time of transition.  DUH!  Of course I was a jerk….the grief came home to roost and instead of acknowledging the fears and resulting emotions that would be stirred up by this grief: insecurity, doubt, mistrust, sadness, loss, anger, resentment, etc. etc. etc.  I found myself projecting it outward….my kids were being brats, not listening, tearing up the house, friends weren’t giving me the attention I wanted in spite of all my attempts at getting their attention, I wasn’t getting what I wanted and when I wanted it, etc. etc. etc.   In short…..instead of acknowledging the unhealed wounds of my own grief, I had to decide that EVERYONE ELSE….was being a jerk and must somehow be rejecting and ignoring me.  POOR LAURI!

Polishing that Mirror

The reminder I received this morning is a terrific lesson for all of us who are trying to be conscious about our spiritual growth and healing.  When we find ourselves frustrated, angry, impatient, jealous, covetous, greedy, clingy, obsessive, possessive toward others, it might be a good time to pick up our own mirror and take a GOOD HARD LOOK.  What is the real source of these feelings?   What fear, wound, attachment, false perception within ourselves is kicking and screaming and trying to get our attention?  What loss, disappointment, insecurity, fear, etc. is asking for our loving, healing, compassionate attention?  When we turn our gaze away from our projections and look inward, chances are there is something inside asking for healing.  Can we then be loving enough toward ourselves (and others) and allow that wound to be named and given over for healing?  I think when we give ourselves permission to do this, the outward projections naturally take care of themselves.  In other words, “they” aren’t the jerks, we are for not tending to our own wounded hearts.

Where do you find yourself projecting blame, guilt, shame, anger, impatience, etc. towards others as a way to settle your own unhealed hurts?

How are you being invited to look more deeply within for the unhealed wounds that might be in need of healing?

How can you be loving and kind toward yourself in your own times of sorrow, grief and loss?

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

http://yourspiritualtruth.com

Compelled to Be Our Truest Self

Aug16

I could not have said it better myself….so today I share with you a FABULOUS article by Andrew Cohen on the driving urge to become our truest self.  Thank you Andrew!  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/andrew-z-cohen/a-mysterious-compulsion-t_b_927183.html?utm_source=SBNR.org&utm_campaign=69dd7b6d51-SBNR_Daily&utm_medium=email

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

http://yourspiritualtruth

Highly Sensitive Person

Jul1

Apparently I’ve been spending WAY too much time with my keyboard and mouse and now I have some sort of injury going on in my hand.  (Grumble grumble)   So….taking a break from blogging today….BUT……As an addendum to Wednesday’s Blog on being an Introvert, and inspired by Beverly’s observation that I might also fall into the category of a “Highly Sensitive Person” I have enclosed a link to the official “Highly Sensitive Person Site”  http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm.  It seems Beverly might be right.

A few things to indicate you might be a “Highly Sensitive Person”:

  I am easily overwhelmed by strong sensory input.
  I seem to be aware of subtleties in my environment.
  Other people’s moods affect me.
  I tend to be very sensitive to pain.
  I find myself needing to withdraw during busy days,into bed or into a darkened room or any place where I can have some privacy and relief from stimulation.
  I am particularly sensitive to the effects of caffeine.
  I am easily overwhelmed by things like bright lights, strong smells,coarse fabrics,or sirens close by.
  I have a rich,complex inner life.
  I am made uncomfortable by loud noises.
  I am deeply moved by the arts or music.
  My nervous system sometimes feels so frazzled that I just have to go off by myself.
  I am conscientious.
  I startle easily.
  I get rattled when I have a lot to do in a short amount of time.
  When people are uncomfortable in a physical environment I tend to know what needs to be done to make it more comfortable (like changing the lighting or the seating).
  I am annoyed when people try to get me to do too many things at once.
  I try hard to avoid making mistakes or forgetting things.
  I make a point to avoid violent movies and TV shows.
  I become unpleasantly aroused when a lot is going on around me.
  Being very hungry creates a strong reaction in me,disrupting my concentration or mood.
  Changes in my life shake me up.
  I notice and enjoy delicate or fine scents, tastes, sounds, works of art.
  I find it unpleasant to have a lot going on at once.
  I make it a high priority to arrange my life to avoid upsetting or overwhelming situations.
  I am bothered by intense stimuli, like loud noises or chaotic scenes.
  When I must compete or be observed while performing a task, I become so nervous or shaky that I do much worse than I would otherwise.
  When I was a child, my parents or teachers seemed to see me as sensitive or shy.

If you find you might be a Highly Sensitive Person, the following website is a terrific resource:  http://www.hperson.com

Have a great holiday weekend.

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

http://yourspiritualtruth.com

Honoring my Introvert

Jun29

In a world overrun with extroverts, introverts frequently get forgotten or are judged as “snobbish”, “boring” and “aloof”.  How can we introverts find support for who we are, and embrace the gifts of being an introvert instead of trying to fit into the extrovert mold?

 The Party is Over

The big event we have all been waiting for has now come and gone.  I had the “big” book release party this past Sunday.  It was a terrific party.  We had a great turnout, saw lots of dear friends and long-lost relatives and even sold a few books.  It was an energy-filled weekend of family and fun.  And now…….I AM EXHAUSTED!!!!!   Day-three post party and I got nothin!  Even after sleeping a fair party of Monday, and Tuesday, I’m still exhausted and completely devoid of creative energy.  I have two huge writing projects standing at the gate waiting for me to put them to bed and all I can think of doing is weeding the garden….something COMPLETELY brainless.  The majority of the population (including a fair number of my family and friends) would wonder, “What is wrong with Lauri?  Maybe she should see a doctor.  No one should be this exhausted or worn out from simple two hour party….”  Ahhhh…..but what they don’t know and would be surprised to find out is that I am an INTROVERT!  Did you hear that?  I AM AN INTROVERT!  Yes, I have learned to be outgoing and I do need a few doses of other-people-contact from time to time, but in truth….I prefer to be alone or at least in my own home where it is peaceful and quiet, maybe with a small group of friends or my children playing about.  No, I’m not a snob.  I’m not aloof.  And I’m certainly not BORING!  (ok, to an extrovert I might be boring….but to myself and to fellow introverts I’m actually kinda fun and funny.  )

Embracing my Introvert

It was actually my dear friend (and former boss), Jeff VandenHeuvel who alerted me to the fact that I am indeed and introvert and not the extrovert I formerly thought myself to be.  He observed my need to beat a path to my private room after a day of retreat festivities while he couldn’t wait to sit by the campfire and sing songs all night.  “Lauri, there is no way you are an extrovert,” he informed me.  I was taken aback by this new awareness, but I absolutely knew he was right and in this, I felt a HUGE sense of relief.  I am an Introvert….and I could now stop pretending to be otherwise.  Thanks Jeff! 

Characteristics of an Introvert

How did Jeff know I was an introvert (besides the fact that he is an Extrovert off the scale and the obvious contrast in our personalities)?   Here are some of the things to look for in yourself of someone you love that might indicate introversion:

  • Enjoy time alone
  • Self-reflective
  • Appear self-contained
  • Independent
  • Drained by outside activities, even when they were fun
  • Prefer small, intimate gatherings to large crowds
  • Cultivate a few, deeply intimate friendships
  • Think before they speak or act (this trait makes many extroverts REALLY uncomfortable….they don’t understand the pause and either think they are being ignored or confronted)
  • Good listener
  • Need a LOT of quiet, alone time
  • Need downtime before and after a big event

Gifts of Being an Introvert

While we might be able to recognize introvert traits within ourselves, we still live in a society that favors extroverted personality types and behaviors.  There even exists within our society the expectation that we should all be an extrovert because this is “better.”  Experts disagree.  Extroverts and introverts BOTH have their gifts and are necessary to the balanced workings of our society and our world.  If you are an introvert, you can take pride in knowing that you probably possess some of the following gifts:

  • works well with others
  • maintains enduring friendships
  • flexible
  • independent
  • strong ability to concentrate
  • self-reflective
  • responsible
  • creative – out of the box thinking
  • analytical skills that integrate complexity
  • studious and smart

And, we’re in pretty good company.  Some of my favorite people are introverts:  Anne Rice, Clint Eastwood, Tom Hanks, Albert Einstein, Carl Jung, Alfred Hitchcock, Emily Dickinson, Abraham Lincoln.  Cool!  I would love to sit down one-on-one (notice, I did not say in a crowd) and have an intimate conversation over coffee with each and every one of these introverts! 

Carry Your Banner

So, if you are an introvert like I am, don’t hide your introvert in the closet trying to fit into an extroverted world…..EMBRACE your introvert.  Be quiet, reflective and peaceful in who you are and take pride in knowing that you are needed, honored, necessary and that you have AMAZING gifts to offer to the rest of the world.  I know you won’t wave your banner wildly, but maybe hang a few prayer flags around your porch to let the rest of the world know you love your introvert!

PS  To learn more about being an introvert, check out:  http://www.theintrovertadvantage.com/being.html

Where do you find yourself on the scale of introvert/extrovert?

How are you being invited to more fully embrace your natural tendency to be an introvert (or an extrovert)?

What keeps you from hiding or embracing who you are?

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

http://yourspiritualtruth.com