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Let’s Talk About Lent

Feb20

Ash Wednesday, the official beginning of the season of Lent in the Christian calendar is this week.  What is the purpose of Lent anyway and how might we be invited to put away the cat of nine tails in exchange for the healing balm of love.

Mea Culpa Mea Culpa 

Ash Wednesday is this week and for the first time in my life, I am not looking forward to Ash Wednesday or even to Lent in the anxious anticipation that for me used to color this season.  I take this to mean that my addiction to self-loathing has finally come to an end!  Seriously…..I used to BASK in the glow of self-judgment, the wagging finger of blame, guilt and shame and the penitential practices that said to me, “See how good of a Catholic I am….I’m fasting, I’m abstaining, I’m donating to the poor, I’m praying, I’m doing the Stations of the Cross, I’m attending Eucharistic Adoration, I’m going to confession and receiving absolution, I’m earning God’s approval and insuring my own ticket to paradise.”  Lent was the PERFECT church season for a Perfectionist who was not yet on the road to recovery (from perfectionism, that is).  Now don’t get me wrong, I absolutely see the value in many of the Lenten practices …..even the sacrament of Reconciliation…but if all Lent is doing for us is telling us how depraved we are and how much we need to earn back God’s love and approval because of our horrible sinful natures and if all Lent is doing is making us feel like crap….or allowing us to wallow in our own addiction to self-loathing, then perhaps we need to rethink our relationship to this annual Christian observance.

Proposing a New Theology of Lent….or Lent for recovering Perfectionists and Martyrs

So,  if you are one of those who wallows in self-loathing, or likes to bask in the glow of self-imposed martyrdom….or if you are simply a Christian who wants a new lens through which to view Lent…..here is my proposal.  Let’s start with the foundations of Lent.  Lent, we have been told, is modeled after Jesus’ 40 days in the desert where he was tempted by “Satan” in preparation for his entrance into his ministerial life.  Let’s back up the story a bit……the part that is often neglected is that Jesus’ foray into the desert came IMMEDIATELY after his baptism in the Jordan by John.  It was at the moment of his baptism, that Jesus came to understand that he was God’s beloved son.  His time in the desert, provided the opportunity he needed to reflect on what that meant for him and how he was called to live that out.  At the same time, Jesus had to confront all the “inner obstacles” (the meaning of the Hebrew word “satan”), that might stand in the way of him freely and openly living out that call.  As such, Jesus had to come face to face with all of the ego-driven temptations (pride, sloth, greed, envy, wrath, lust, gluttony) that might stand in the way of him being the person he was called to be.  He took that time in the desert to face those inner obstacles and to allow God to release him from those temptations….thereby being healed and freed of his spiritual fears so that he could be the healer, prophet, teacher, savior he was called to be.  And…..he did it, successfully…..thanks to God’s help.

Lent as a Time for Healing – Exploring the What ifs

So, what  would happen if we applied Jesus’ 40 days in the desert to our own spiritual journeys?  What if we recognize, that like Jesus, our baptism is the moment when we are reminded that we are God’s beloved son or daughter and that with us God is very pleased?  What if we stuck our necks out there and actually BELIEVED in God’s unconditional, limitless, infinite love for us and that there is in fact nothing we can do…and nothing that we have ever done that could separate us from the Love of God (Paul says something to this effect).  What if, like Jesus, we struggle with the inner obstacles to remembering God’s love and that we struggle with the inner obstacles to being the person God has called us to be – peaceful, content, joyful, fulfilled, creative, loving, compassionate, working for justice, merciful?  What if instead of using Lent as a time for self-flagellation and self-punishment, we used it as a time to ASK GOD FOR HELP……inviting God to heal all those places within us where we have forgotten God’s love….forgotten our beloved nature and forgotten the work God has called us to do in the world.  What if?

A Terrific Lenten Resource

Now, a moment for a little shameless self-promotion.   If you are looking for a resource to help you move through Lent with a new set of eyes, my book, Authentic Freedom – Claiming a Life of Contentment and Joy is a fabulous resource.  The foundation of the book illuminates the false perception of separation from God that causes the spiritual fears that lead to our compulsive (sinful) behaviors.  The book then provides a systematic process through which you are invited to name your own spiritual fears and through sound spiritual practice, give those fears over to God for healing and release.  Consider it your own 40 days in the desert.  And if you buy it before midnight tonight, I’ll throw in your own set of  Cat of Nine Tails for free.  ;)

What has been your relationship with the annual observance of Lent?

How are you being called to embrace a new perspective on Lent?

What are some of the inner spiritual fears that you might want to offer up for healing?

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

http://yourspiritualtruth.com

When Life Gives You Lemons – Pray

Sep29

Today’s blog explores the value and importance of spiritual practices – prayer, meditation, contemplation, etc. in dealing with the on-going challenges of the human condition. 

 

 

Life Stinks and then you Die

Ok, not really….but it sure feels like that on some days!  The human condition is hard.  And from day-to-day we face the challenges of the living in this world:  disappointment, fear, doubt, loss, etc.  These little (and sometimes ENORMOUS) challenges are not there as some sort of punishment for bad behavior or because we have angered a jealous “God,” but simply because it is part of being human.  As they say, “Sh..t  happens.”

When Life Gives You Lemons

But what are we supposed to do when sh..t happens?  When we are paying the bills and wonder, “Where did all my money go?” or “How am I going to pay for that?”  When we receive an unfavorable medical diagnosis or find out someone we love is dying?  What happens when we lose our job or find ourselves underemployed? What about when our children are hurting and turn their pain against us?  What about when we fail an important exam or lose out on a job we really wanted?  What about when we hurt someone we love or are hurt by someone we care about? What happens when our best-laid plans fail or when we are in an accident or become ill or our house burns to the ground?

Temptation to Indulge Fear

For me, when these challenges of the human condition show up, the first place I go is to fear.  Fear there won’t be enough money.  Fear of rejection.  Fear of the pain of loss.  Afraid I won’t be able to control it or have control over it.  Afraid I will fail.  Afraid I won’t be able to handle it.  Afraid of being hurt.  Afraid of fear itself.  If I give enough attention to these fears, I soon find myself in the downward spiral of panic, overwhelm and eventually shutdown, or I give into the fear and find myself making rash and panicked decisions that will eventually prove to be detrimental, if not disastrous.  Sound familiar?

Choosing Something Other than Fear

Fortunately, through many years of learning (often through trial and error), I have found that there is another, more life-giving response to these lemons.  And in the learning of this other choice, I have found a powerful and important lesson:  NEVER MAKE A DECISION OR A CHOICE OUT OF FEAR!!!!!   While life’s challenges, losses, struggles may be inviting new opportunities or choices in our path, making that decision or choice out of fear NEVER leads to a positive outcome.  When we choose fear, that is what we get…MORE fear…or at best, a life that is small, constricted, limiting.  And, I know this is not God’s wish for us.  Instead, God desires and compels us toward expansion, limitlessness, inner abundance, contentment, peace, love and joy….in a word – FREEDOM!  Fear is limiting.  FREEDOM is not!

Making Lemonade

So, when we find ourselves faced with the pain, loss, struggles, challenges, disappointments of the human condition, we have a choice.  We can indulge the naturally arising fears and tumble into the abyss of constriction, pain, limitations, paralysis, depression, despair, hopelessness…….OR  we can choose something else.  For me, I have found one TRIED AND TRUE remedy to these fears and to the temptation to indulge these fears. The tried and true remedy, is PRAYER.  And prayer, (in the way that I define it anyway) is ANYTHING that helps us to find that place of peaceful calm and clarity within.  For me prayer encompasses all that I use in the way of my daily spiritual practice:  mantra chant, silent meditation, journalling.  For others, prayer might be their morning run, listening to music, cleaning, cooking, painting, singing, dancing, yoga, chi qong, tai chi, drawing, sculpting, throwing a pot, sipping their favorite dark roast coffee, the rosary, scripture, attending mass.  Any and everything that helps us to find that place of silence within where God can speak to us and we can be open to listening is prayer.  So when we find ourselves challenged by life and tempted by the fears that arise out of these challenges, the invitation is to set time aside and pray.  It is in the prayer that we will find comfort for our fears and the life-giving, expansive and supportive responses to life’s challenges.  And here, in this place of peaceful clarity and expansiveness is where we find the most delicious lemonade from the lemons that life gives us!

What is your typical response to life’s challenges?

How are you being invited to choose something other than fear?

What are the spiritual practices that can help support you in this goal?

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

http://yourspiritualtruth.com

The Voices in Your Head – Part One

Jul4

In today’s blog, Lauri explores the two voices that compete in our heads for attention.  One voice is destructive, harmful and keeps us small.  The other voice is loving, kind, empowering and helps us to grow.  Which voice do you listen to?

 

Voices in Our Heads

I can’t tell you how many individuals sit in my office and in a very shy, tentative, almost penitent sort of way confess to me that they have a voice in their head.  Then, it seems they are waiting for me to look astonished, panic at the fact that they must be crazy or tell them that they are crazy.  Guess what????  HARDLY!!!!   Each and EVERY ONE of us has that voice in our head.  And just because you have that voice does not make you insane, schizophrenic or a psychopath.  While a small minority, who can only be diagnosed by a trained professional, do have voices that are not of the norm, the vast majority of us who hear this voice (or voices) are really just hearing the interior battle between our truest self and our ego.   The truest self speaks to us about our gifts, our talents, it speaks to us through our intuition, dreams, daydreamings and it only speaks the truth.  The ego….speaks ONLY lies!  The ego is the part of us that DOES NOT want us to live as our most authentic self.  The ego wants us to stay fearful and small.  The ego does not want us to know our giftedness, neither does it want us to know how amazing we are as peaceful, loving, joyful beings.

Does the Voice in My Head Bother You?

Offering credit again to my muse, Steven Tyler, who writes at length about the voices in his head in his autobiography as titled above, I have to say that no, it is not the voice in another’s head that bothers us, it is the voice in our own head.  That being said, sometimes the hated voice in our head did originate in an outside source – parents, teachers, preachers, spouses, siblings, friends, etc.  The problem is not the origin itself, but what we decide to do with it.  When we embrace the unsupportive, harmful, fearful, hurtful messages that come from outside us (most likely coming out of somebody else’s fear or insecurity), then we are giving strength to the fears and insecurities that already exist within us.  Blech…right?  Regardless of the origin of this negative and harmful voice, it speaks to us in loud and obvious ways and in ways that are subtle and insidious.  Here are some of the louder versions of this voice:

  • You are fat, stupid, ugly, insignificant, worthless, lazy, etc.
  • Who could possibly love you?
  • Who or what made you think you could do that?
  • What were you thinking?
  • You charge too much, what makes you think you deserve a professional fee/living wage for sharing your gifts?
  • You’re such a goodie-goodie (or alternatively, you’re a slut, party girl/boy, etc. etc. etc.)
  • Your words are too big, you intimidate people with your words
  • I hate you
  • You do not deserve to be loved or treated with kindness
  • It is all your fault
  • Ok here’s one from my own life:  “What the Hell is a Spiritual Director (or Reiki Practitioner)?  Why would anyone pay you to do that????”

It is pretty obvious the harmful nature of these words.  What is sadder still is the way it hurts us when we accept these statements as truth and make them part of who we think we are.  Our hearts are broken piece by piece until it feels there is nothing left of who we once hoped we could be.

Not so obvious

Then there is the not so obvious nature of this negative voice.  This is the smooth, subtle, insidious side of this voice that reaches deep into the most tender and vulnerable parts of ourselves and seeks to rip out our soul.  This is the voice that is cloaked in the “shoulds” of our society and in the tribal rules that have been handed down to us.  Here is what this voice sounds like:

  • If you only did XYZ….he/she would be happy, peaceful, safe, kind, loving, non-violent
  • It is your fault that he/she is unhappy and you have the power to make it better
  • You don’t have needs and if you do, everyone else’s needs are more important
  • If you give enough, then maybe they will finally act in a loving, kind way toward you
  • It is your fault that he/she is angry, depressed, raging, acting in a violent manner, and it is your job to go fix it
  • Writers, artists, (any creative endeavor) are a dime a dozen, you can’t do that for a living, why don’t you get a real job?
  • You’re just dreaming!
  • You can’t (sing, write, dance, paint, etc. etc. etc.)
  •  A woman’s place is…
  • A man’s place is…

Got it?  YUK YUK YUK   That feels like a good place to start.  So, for the next day, I invite you to pay attention. Pay attention to the voices in your head.  Are you able to recognize the negative, harmful, destructive voice?  Simply recognizing this voice is the first step toward healing and letting it go.  More on this tomorrow. 

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

http://yourspiritualtruth.com

Waiting in the Mystery

Mar30

Today’s blog explores dreams, hopes, faith and trust and the invitation to wait in the mystery as part of our process of spiritual growth.


Seeing with a prophet’s eyes

This is a truly strange time for me as I pen this blog from the Batcave (my current temporary abode, thanks to the generous hospitality of a friend) and observe the goings-on of my life, especially as it relates to my own process of spiritual growth.  I am immediately reminded that this is my “40 days in the desert” and as such, the terrain will feel foreign (yet oddly familiar); sometimes lonely (but accompanied by the assistance of angels); there will be opportunities for learning, growth and most importantly, temptation; it might seem as if nothing is happening when in fact something HUGE is happening.  All I can do is surrender to the process and try to see with a prophet’s eyes.  What that means is that I am being invited to be acutely attentive to everything that is transpiring in front of me and be open to where it all may be leading.  Most importantly, I am reminded NOT to give into the temptation to fear or perhaps even more importantly, to doubt what God seems to be showing me and what my heart continues to reinforce in me.

No doubting allowed

In this time of mystery, there are certain things that have showed themselves either through dreams, life circumstances, intuition or in my meditation and prayer.  These are the things I am invited to TRUST TRUST TRUST will all my heart and with all my will!  Some of these are as follows:

  • I was given a dream with a HUGE bat and invited to climb up on the bat and let her carry me through this time of mystery.
  • I was then given a dream in which I was eating bat wings.  The message?  I took it as an invitation to embody the death of what was so that I can be open to that which has yet to be revealed.  It felt very eucharistic to me.
  • I was given a dream in which someone gave me a house.  Now, I don’t expect someone to literally give me a house, free and clear, but I took this as a message that the way in which a house will come to me will be magical and effortless.
  • When I ask the question, “Am I supposed to be looking for a ‘real’ job”  The answer is NO and WAIT.  This makes no logical sense, but there it is.
  • I have been told for years that my book Authentic Freedom – Claiming a Life of Contentment and Joy will have a dramatic healing and transformative effect on the world and will put me where I need to be professionally, personally, financially.
  • I have been told that the basement dwelling situation is very temporary
  • I have been told that all my financial needs will be met in abundance

None of the above items make any logical sense whatsoever, especially when coupled with some of the items that I will present below, but this is what I have been told, especially, what I have been told to trust….REGARDLESS of what others may say.

Observing without Judgment

Then comes reality.  Life continues to throw me strange situations, challenges, etc. that could cause me to doubt, be fearful, frustrated, etc.  Instead, I am being invited to watch without judgment and again TRUST that all is leading to something magical and magnificent.  Here are just a couple of those items:

  • As I am in this time of desert, I am watching my business seemingly fade away.  My appointment calendar is sparce and several clients have been a no-show.  Only a few show up for our Monday meditation circle.  I feel no call to offer or teach any classes.  I could be fearful of this hard-reality, instead, I’m trusting that the universe has provided me with open space for other matters more pressing.
  • LIKE…..my father is facing MAJOR surgery – and the removal of both kidneys.  I need this open time to be in Minneapolis with my family and provide assistance where I can.

The Miracles

Trust, faith, belief is what I have been hanging on to as I move through this time of waiting.  And, I have not been disappointed in the results, in fact, the results have been nothing short of magnificent.  Money has shown up seemingly out of nowhere.  Angels in the form of humans have come forward with hugs, support, words of kindness and encouragement.  When I feel insane with my dreams and hopes, others have provided the assurance and encouragement I need to move forward.  All of this tells me to trust my crazy dreams, to be patient in the waiting and to believe that in this time of mystery, a magnificent, fulfilling, rewarding and abundant new life is just waiting to be born!  YEA!

How are you being invited to trust your dreams, heart-felt beliefs, hopes, visions, etc.?

How are you being invited to observe without judgment?

What are the sources of support that have shown up for you along the way?

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

http://yourspiritualtruth.com


The God’s Have Spoken

Feb14

Last Friday, I put God and my God Squad on notice.  Yesterday, I got their response.  A Humbling reminder for one who claims to assist others on the path of spiritual growth and enlightenment.




The God’s Have Spoken!

Last Friday, I shared with you my Rantings on the Divine.  In essence, I told my God-Squad to “Step up or Step off!”  I was tired of being sick, tired of being afraid and tired of feeling helpless and without help and support from the Divine helpers that are supposed to be doing just that….HELPING!  I wasn’t sure what response, if any I would get to my teenage-like temper tantrum…..but I knew I needed to tell my Divine helpers how I was feeling.  Well…..here was their response as it was delivered to me in the middle of yoga class yesterday (Sunday) morning:

“Lauri, you know that everything will be alright.

(I had to admit that I DO know this…in the deepest place of truth inside my heart!)

The source of your anxiety and worry is the “how.”  You are worrying

about and seeking after the “how” everything will be ok.

Lauri, the “how” is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

The “how” is our job, and we are working on it, all for your highest good

and for the highest good of your family.

So, relax in the knowledge that everything will be alright

and let us take care of the how.”

 

Well, there you have it!  I sure cannot argue with these words delivered directly to my mind and my heart by none other than the very God-Squad I gave notice to on Friday.  So, the Gods have spoken and I am listening (and humbled!)

 

A Teacher’s Irony

So, here is the irony.  As I received these words in the middle of yoga class yesterday, The Authentic Freedom principles that I received from this very God-squad and now share with my clients and students and will be revealed in detail in my upcoming book, Authentic Freedom- Claiming a Life of Contentment and Joy (coming out this April!!!!!) came flooding into my awareness.  The seven spiritual fears, the core wound, the seven sacred truths all came rushing at me.  DUH!!!!!  I was shoulder deep in every one of the seven spiritual fears and had forgotten to go to the very tools that I teach and invite my students to utilize when they are in similar states of fear, despair, hopelessness.  Consider the teacher humbled!  Apparently, I still have much to learn (which is a good thing…because if I didn’t think I had more to learn, I probably shouldn’t be teaching anyone!!!!).

 

The Trickster

As I reflected on the Authentic Freedom principles and how I had been indulging the fears and the process through which I found comfort (by admitting I couldn’t do it alone and needed HELP!), I then heard the words of one of my teachers, Julie Tallard Johnson ringing in my ears. In her book, The Wheel of Initiation, Julie speaks of the role of the Trickster (temptation) in our journey of spiritual awakening.  The Trickster shows up as anxiety, fear, restlessness, guilt, despair, hopelessness, etc. and makes us think that things are bad when in fact they are REALLY REALLY GOOD!  The Trickster shows up to tempt us into indulging fear instead of recognizing the magnificence that is happening.  And, I love these words that Julie offers as a means of responding to the Trickster in our midst:

“Hello Trickster, and Thank you for being here.

You would not be showing up if something beautiful weren’t happening!”

 

So, I guess that means that something really, really, really magnificent must be happening in my life or the Trickster would not have shown up in such a fearful, desperate, hopeless guise.  So, Trickster, thank you for showing up to remind me of the truly beautiful things are happening and will continue to happen in my life!  And thank you to my God-Squad for stepping up to remind me that I am NOT alone!  And, thank you for my spiritual sisters who have been such an amazing source of support for me as I move through this stage of spiritual growth (you know who you are!).

 

What are the spiritual fears that confront you on your own spiritual path?

Who is your God-squad?  When is the last time you asked them for help?

What role has the Trickster played in your spiritual journey?

Who are your human sources of spiritual support and love?

 

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

http://yourspiritualtruth.com

 

Avoiding the Temptation to Indulge Fear

Jun21

This weekend I was innundated with emails, postings and blogs that addressed the tragic events unfolding in the Gulf of Mexico as a result of the ruptured oil well.  Thousands, perhaps millions of gallons of crude oil are pouring into the gulf every day and there is no end in sight.  All attempts to seal the leak have failed and we sit in helpless wonder as the waters of the Gulf are polluted, coastal lands and animal life are destroyed.   BP, the US government and other “oil interests” must be held accountable for this tragedy and we are the ones called to demand this accountability.  We are also called to participate in the economic and environmental rescue efforts that will be required as a result of this corporate debacle. 

While the events unfolding in the Gulf are sure to have  a monumental environmental and economic impact, the greatest danger is the temptation to indulge in fear.  While we cannot predict the longterm effects of the Gulf oil tragedy, I have a hard time accepting these events as harbingers of the apocalypse (as was stated by several of the email messages I recently received).  

As I sat in prayer this weekend over the Gulf tragedy, and envisioned healing energy being directed at the rupture on the ocean floor, a very clear message came through.  And this message was TRUST.  We can choose to remain in a place of fearful constriction around these events, or we can transcend the fear and trust that all this will serve a higher purpose.  While we shudder at the environmental devastation and economic impact of these events, we cannot predict the long-term positive effects that may surface.  In the end, we must trust that our Divine Creator works all things for good.  This is the meaning behind the universal concept of resurrection – out of every death, tragedy, loss, there is the promise and possiblity for new life.  What is the new life that we are being invited to discover and embrace as a result of these events?  Perhaps it is a renewed commitment for the development of alternative energy resources.  Perhaps it is a newfound courage to take action against the governmental and corporate corruption that has made us dependent upon crude oil in the first place.   Maybe it is an inner empowerment that compels us to seek tighter environmental regulations.  We do not as yet know the higher good that will result from this tragedy, but we are invited to be open to these possibilities and to take action as they emerge.   So my prayer for all of us today is to be open to seeing the higher good that may result from these tragic events and to be graced with the trust that will allow us to transcend the voices of fear – both within and outside of us.

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries

http://www.authenticfreedom.net

This entry was posted on June 21, 2010, in temptation.

Obstacles

Mar30

The talk last night at the gathering of the Contemplative Community at some point turned to obstacles.  One participant connected deeply with the image of the stone that sealed the tomb in which Jesus’s crucified body was placed.  We explored the stone as a metaphor for the things in our own lives that block our journey to the freedom of new life. 

Coincidentally, inner obstacles were the subject of the work I did with clients yesterday as well.  In the Hebrew language, there is a word that literally means obstacle and has been morphed into a name through which we identify the personification of the inner obstacles.  That name is Satan.   Within each and every one of us reside the fears, false perceptions, compulsions and unhealed wounds that stand in the way of our ability to accept the freedom of new life.  This new life is the peace, contentment, love and joy that God intended for us to know.

So, for today, the invitation is to explore our inner terrain to uncover the stones that are blocking the exit from our own tombs.  Where do we fear that we are not deserving of love?  Where are we clinging to resentments and past hurts?  Where do we feel we are not free to name, claim, cultivate and express our own unique giftedness.  Where do we feel alone and unsupported?  Where do we feel that we are unable to be the person God created us to be – peaceful, loving and free?  What are the compulsive behaviors that stand in the way of our freedom?  As you excavate your inner terrain for these obstacles, allow yourself to offer them up to the Divine Source of your understanding for healing and release.  Then you too shall be able to step forth from your inner tomb into the promise of new life.  YOU ARE RISEN! 

Trust in God

Feb17

Yesterday, in the gathering of the Authentic Freedom contemplative community, one of the tools we used for contemplation was the scriptural account of Jesus’ temptation in the desert.  Typically, I explore this passage through the three temptations faced by Jesus.  Yesterday, a new perspective was offered by one of the participants of the gathering.  Through his own prayer and reflection, this participant revealed that there were not three specific temptations, but one temptation with three faces.  In this metaphoric description of the doubts that Jesus faced before stepping fully into active ministry, the core temptation that Jesus faced was the temptation to lose faith in God.  In the end, it was Jesus’ faith and trust in God that allowed him to overcome these temptations and step fully into his unique giftedness and the way in which he was being called to share that in the world. 

What this story reminds us is that faith in God is the key to overcoming the obstacles that we perceive to be standing in the way of our ability to be the greatest vision of ourselves that we could possibly be.  And faith, as Jesus demonstrated, does not just simply show up.  It is something that has to be cultivated, tried and tested.  It is not a coincidence that the story of Jesus’ temptation occurs during a time of prayerful retreat.  It was through his dedication to contemplation and prayer that Jesus had the strength to face these temptations and overcome them.  In the end, trusting in God was the answer to each of the temptations he experienced.  This is the case in our journeys as well.

As we maintain our commitment to contemplative practice, we find that we grow in our ability to rely on God for all that we need in our lives.  God, we realize, is the source of our desire and the agent of our transformation and we are able to rest in the knowledge of this truth.  We come to understand that as we surrender to Divine providence, our lives will simply unfold before us.  All that we need will come to us at the exact time that we need it and usually in a way that far exceeds our own limited expectations.  We are no longer required to be the architect of our lives knowing that the Divine knows what is in our highest good and works toward revealing this to us, along with the means for its manifestation.  In other words, we can get out of the way knowing that God is doing the work.  There is great freedom and peace in approaching life from this perspective as it allows us to live more fully in this moment, as we set aside yesterday’s regrets and tomorrows worries.  Having faith and trust in God leaves no room for the fears that typically plague our human experience and opens us up to the expansive power of the creative energy of the Divine. 

There is an exercise that we participated in yesterday that helps us to remember and connect with that expansive energy of the Divine and assists us in our desire to trust in this energy.  I share this exercise with you today as a tool for supporting your own journey of freedom and peace:

EXERCISE:

The central focus of this exercise is the breath.  In a safe and quiet space, in a comfortable seated position, draw your attention to your breathing.  In particular, become aware of the movement of your physical body as you draw in each breath and as you give it release.  Become aware of the expansion of your body as you breath in and in the way that the body restricts to expel the out breath.  Become aware that as your lungs and rib cage expand to receive the in breath that space is created in your inner body to receive that breath.  Know that as you breath in and that inner space is created that you are taking in life.  At the out breath, be aware of the muscular contractions that gather to push the breath out of your body.  Imagine that inner power pushing out fear, resistance, past hurts with each out breath.  Continue in this visualization of expanding and taking in life with each in breath and the inner power that pushes up and out to expel fear, woundedness and constriction.  Know that with each in breath, space is being created in which your truth may more fully reside and with each out breath all those constrictions to your inner freedom are being expelled.  Continue with this visualization for 15-20 minutes or until you find yourself resting in a state of peaceful calm.  As you connect with that place of inner calm, know that you are in the Presence of the Divine that lives in and through you.  This is the energy that you can trust to bring you toward enduring freedom and peace.  Trust in this energy to lead you to your truth and guide you on your path. 

Temptations of the Ego

Feb7

James Arthur Ray, “spiritual” speaker and “Self-help guru” was charged with manslaughter in the recent deaths of participants in the sweatlodge he facilitated on October 8, 2009.   “About halfway through the two-hour ceremony – a sauna-type purification ritual – some began feeling ill, vomiting and collapsing inside the 38.55sq m structure. Mr Ray urged participants to push past their physical weaknesses and chided those who wanted to leave, authorities and participants said.  Two people passed out in the sweat lodge and died that night in hospital. Another slipped into a coma and died a week later. Eighteen others were treated in hospital.” (Associated Press Feb 6, 2010) 

This story reminds us of the dangerous temptations of the ego for those who find themselves in positions of perceived power, especially when they are in a position of spiritual leadership.  As facilitator of the Contemplative Community and other spiritual programs, I am reminded of the need to be particularly diligent in checking my own ego at the door.   I even hesitate to use the words leader or teacher in connection with the spiritual work that I do and I only pray that through the support of the Spiritual Director, husband, children and close spiritual friends, that I can be strengthened against this temptation. 

While I work with my own support system in trying to remain alert to potential infractions of my own ego in regards to this work, I am ever grateful for the examples I have witnessed in my own journey of teachers who have gone astray.  This it is an amazing gift to be able to be a vehicle through which others can experience spiritual healing, it is also a path wrought with many potential dangers.  If we are not attentive to our own ego attachments, inner wounds and compulsions, the temptation is there to indulge them within our own ministry.  I have seen powerful healers give themselves over to using fear as a tool through which they manipulate clients to become dependent upon the healer as their only source of hope.  This insures financial success for the healer, and creates a relationship with clients based on dependency.  The end result is a dependent client, rather than an empowered one.  I have seen ministers give into their own unchecked vulnerabilities, only to find themselves in compromising relationships with the people to whom they are supposed to be ministering.  I have seen this destroy reputations, marriages and congregations.  In the James Ray situation, we see an example of a spiritual leader who has used their power and influence to subjugate their client’s own reason and intuitive faculties, and it appears that this was done through methods of power and control.

What these examples also illuminate is the temptation of the ego on the part of students, clients, parishioners to cling to those in positions of perceived authority.  We all want a teacher, a leader, a person to act as a source of inspiration for us.  At the same time, where is our own empowerment in the context of that relationship?  Have we created in our own mind a relationship of imbalanced power.  Have we made the teacher our “god?”  In the situation with Ray’s “disciples”, it seems this may have at least somewhat been the case.  At what point do we lose our own self in our quest to be fed? 

These are the questions I ponder as I look at the dynamics between a perceived leader and their students.  The true measure of a teacher, I believe, is not the number of students that they have, but the number of teachers they empower.  As a “spiritual teacher” (again, I hesitate to use these words), my job is to empower those to seek out my support to find healing for their woundedness, discover and cultivate their higher truth and find ways to live that out freely in the world.  In the end, my hope is that they will become a teacher in their own right, being a vessel through which God’s healing love can continue to be revealed in the world.  And….in that desire, I humbly invite my friends, clients and program participants to call me on the carpet if my ego ever gets in the way of this intention!  We are all teachers on this journey, learning from one another as we grow to more fully embrace our most authentic self! 

Fully Human

Jan13

After reading yesterday’s blog, my friend Cindy posted the following message on Facebook for me to read:  “Congratulations, you are human.”  I want to thank Cindy for that important reminder.  As a recovering perfectionist, embracing my humanness has been a life-long journey.

Entering into this process of creating space in which Contemplative Community could emerge, I have held within my being an intention of egolessness.  I want to do the best I can to get out of the way so that the Divine can simply work through me, unencumbered by my fears, false perceptions and ego-attachments.  While this is a noble intention, Cindy’s words remind me of the danger of the intention itself becoming an egoic quest.  Who am I to believe that I can be completely free of ego?  Am I not still wounded, fearful and attached?  You bet!  So rather than being attached to the unattainable goal of egolessness…I am invited to enter into this great human paradox…..intending to be free of ego while humbly accepting my humanness. 

Now here is the funny part….reading my original intention to be free of ego so that the Divine can work through me unencumbered….I am confronted by more ego.  Do I really believe I have the power to free myself of ego?  Do I really believe that my little fears and attachments can hinder the work of God?  DUH!  The Divine is infinitely vast enough to work not only through but WITH my petter fears and false perceptions.  And….I am reminded that it is only in surrendering my own “power” to God that I can even begin to be freed of that which might stand in the way of my ability to do the work God has intended.  So, there you go……my perfectionist is duly reminded that she is loved beyond all measure and that she is perfect just as she is in this moment…..always has been, always will be.   And as the archetypal image of perfectionism – Mary Poppins has said, “I am practically perfect in every way!”

And to my friend, Cindy, that you for reminding me of my place in the human race!